I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
