If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
