I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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