So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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