I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
