it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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