I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The adults are the big ones right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
