Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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