woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
