Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
id be glad to
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
