DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
