i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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