my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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