They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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