so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
