I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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