like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
