I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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