i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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