I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
