woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
