Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
