My cat gives me a boner
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize