i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So vagazzling was a success
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
