have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
