Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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