happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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