My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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