Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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