Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
