Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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