WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
please come you make the beer taste better
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
