weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
