i think my tv is drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
