He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
