Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How external is "for external use only"?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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