I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
