Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
