he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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