apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
