I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Did we literally take a cab across the street
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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