I cannot find my penis.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
