I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
