The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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