there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Panties = found
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
