Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
