toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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