I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
