hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
