There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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