omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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