it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
