I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
