Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Come share oat with me in your robe
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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