Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
