WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
