what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
