he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
