i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize