he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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