bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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