VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
